Joke Thread

[red_ned]

I will start with one i stole the other day:

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking Sir?"
"No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?"
"No," replies the officer, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."




ned

[frags]

A jewish man walks into ASDA lobs his circumcised cock on the counter and says "I bet you can't roll that back"

[Frosteh]

Q - There are 2 fleas on a fanny. One of them is a burglar, the other is a junkie. How do you tell them apart?

A - The burglar is hiding in the bush and the junkie is sniffing the crack

Boom Boom

[Brucie]

Jeremy Beadle 1948 - 2008

Seems God has dealt him another bad hand...

I got that text today poor Jeremy

[Kop]

that was harsh lol

[red_ned]

"Doctor! There's fly in the ointment!"
"Yes, I know, he's recovering from a nasty soup-burn."

[scott]

A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks, "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?" "Yes" replies the cop. He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?" "No" replies the cop. "Well then," says the man, "I think you're an asshole!"

[Frosteh]

Did you know that Jeremy Beadle has a small penis?


.....But on the other hand it's quite big

[Frosteh]

George Michael was admitted to hospital last night with a chocolate bar stuck up his arse.

It was a "Careless Wispa"

[Frosteh]

Q - Why does Lt Uhuru (Star Trek) have a big steaming turd on her head?

A - Because William Shatner (Shat on her)